April 20th. Day 35.

Hi there. Long time, no write.

The weekend was a blur. Today was a blur.

To be honest, I can't recall if my kids did any schoolwork on Friday. It was 43 years ago and I don't know how you expect me to remember that. I do remember that I got down to work...

After Marie Kondo-ing the hell out of my spice cabinet at the beginning of 2019, it took approximately 15 months for it to go from alphabetical, unexpired spices to WHERE THE HELL IS THE SALT AND WHY IS THIS BOTTLE STICKY? Things are now back in their rightful places and in a commitment to keeping things neat and orderly, I will no longer be cooking.

I PROVIDED YOU WITH THE BEFORE SO YOU COULD FEEL MY ANGST. 

In the midst of my organizing, I baked this amazing chocolate cherry challah for shabbat. It was like cake. My cousin suggested icing, but that's blasphemous! Even more blasphemous, Big E. He doesn't like bread, even my homemade challahs. It's like he's constantly carb counting. even though he weighs 65 pounds. Quarantining with him is like eating lunch with your Weight Watchers leader. 

BIG E, DO YOU WANT SOME CHALLAH? NAH, I'M GOOD, MOM.

After having shabbat dinner, the Yoys went upstairs to get cleaned up for bed. They found, tucked away in our bedroom TV cabinet their Switches. Hidden for the past week due to excessive punching. I heard Big E gasp when he opened the cabinet. He had found the treasure trove of electronics. He whispered something to Little E about their gaming systems. I smiled as I saw them smile. They thought they would sneak them out at a later time. Clearly they had forgotten who their parents were. Once they were tucked in, Mr. Yoy took out the post-it notes and hung B-U-S-T-E-D from the cabinet shelf. 

"BE DUST"

The next morning, the boys snuck in while we were asleep to claim their prize. But alas, we had left them a little something. Not to be outdone, Little E rearranged the letters to let us know what he really thought of us moving his Switch. BE DUST.

Saturday morning we had an hour Shabbat call with the boys' Sunday School. They started with pilates and mindfulness. Big E wanted me to participate alongside him. I agreed, but first had him move off the desk. It didn't seem like the best place to get his stretch on. I will say this, I am so sore. And I basically just stretched. Re-entry into the real world will be hard. 

FYI, JUMP ROPES MAKE GOOD STRETCHING ASSISTANTS

After the peacefulness of Shabbat, Big E moved onto war strategy Saturday. I thought LEGOs were bad. But that was before I had met the toy soldier. They are holding guns and bayonets and I always step on them at the optimum puncture angle. 

 Big E loves setting up battles using these little foot murderers. But his first love is the world map.

He uses a dry erase marker to change borders and rename countries. He's basically his own United Nations. Every evening he explains to me what he did on the map. It usually ends with it being Hitler's fault and I think that is a perfect way to go through life. 

Last night I stayed up way too late watching Ozark, but we have made it to Season Three. I knew I had to be up early as the mobile groomer was coming to fix up the poodle. What I didn't know, is that Big E would be standing next to my bed at 6AM, murder whispering.

MOM. I CAN'T SLEEP.

I responded with my typical, read a book answer.

I WANT TO SHOW YOU MY MAGIC TRICKS I'VE BEEN WORKING ON. NOW.

And because I was delirious and a little sympathetic because we'd unplugged all the televisions, I dragged my tired butt out of bed and went to Big E's room for a card show. He performed something called Spellcheck, I think. He described it as a crazy math algorithm. I'm just impressed he can say the word "algorithm" at 6AM. My tongue is still fighting with my teeth when I get up this early.

I never went back to sleep because I was worried about oversleeping the groomer. We got up and the boys started on their schoolwork. Big E began with French. I sat with him and attempted to learn a new language. Although I'm very good at French fries, I'm not so good at French. 

Poodle Yoy finished up at the groomer. Because at her last appointment in March, she became the exorcist, the groomer never made it to her head. She was a hot mess today, so I tranqued her and sent her into the van.  Off went all her hair. RIP puffy ears.

NO BEST IN SHOW HERE

The rest of the day was uneventful. The boys did their work without much resistance. It was windy enough for Little E and me to take the kite out.  

RUNNING WITH A KITE IS NO JOKE. WE WERE BOTH SUCKING WIND.

After dinner, they worked on a pulley system that automatically pulled the chairs out from the table. It sort of worked, but mostly scratched up the floors and used up all of our tape. But I will count this as today's Science requirement. 

Good night, y'all!