The Mrs. Yoy Blog: The Quarantine Coronacles

Your phone rings. You fish it out of the bottom of your purse. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL shows up on the caller ID. There are two panicked thoughts that run through your head: 1) MY KID IS SICK/INJURED. I have received this call a few times. The last time, Little E fainted at school due to a combination of a cold and medicine that I had given him. I also have an adverse reaction to cold meds, and I didn't even think that my children could have it, too. That was one was on me and was scary as hell. The nurse had to call an ambulance. 2) MY KID IS IN SUPER BIG TIME TROUBLE. I have also received this call. A few times from Little E's pre-school (I know, I know, he's perfect. How could this happen?) And one time regarding Big E and a private parts contest in the cafeteria during lunch. But for the most part, my kids are well behaved at school and save their satanic tendencies for when they come home. It's impossible to be well behaved ALL DAY. Because we all know ...

The annual Toys R Us toy catalog arrived in the mail today. This is a monumental day for the Yoys. It is the day that they go page by page, circling toys that they want me to buy them for Chanukah, that I'll probably never ever buy them for Chanukah. But it takes up a good hour of their time, so I'm all for it.  Even if it means crushing their consumer dreams. Little E was circling away when he came upon this: He was reading aloud all of the details of this S'more Maker. All I could hear was "THIS THING WILL MAKE THE BIGGEST MARSHMALLOW MESS EVER AND DO NOT ALLOW IT INTO YOUR HOME." Little E was struggling with one of the words. MOM, WHAT DOES THIS SPELL: F-U-C-K-E-R-S. WHAT?? I shot up from my chair and walked over to him and this pornographic catalog. FLICKERS. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH, it spells flickers. As in a flame. I stifled a laugh and handed it back over to Little E. No chance in hell, my friend.

It's family picture eve. This is a pretty big holiday around here.  Brainstorming sessions, wardrobe, etc. We take our yearly holiday card very seriously and the family picture is crucial. Fake Fight Scene, Anyone? I've worked hard this week to hold my crazy in check. I didn't cut or file their fingernails, although I knew I ran the risk of Little E slashing up his face. I let them wrestle out back with their friends. I sent them to school not rolled up in bubble wrap. Previous family pictures include Mr. Yoy and a peeling forehead.  He didn't think he needed to apply sunscreen during a mid-day out door sporting event. In those pictures, he's wearing a baseball hat. Another year, Little E had such bad baby acne I debated using concealer on his chubby, little face. In recent years, we've really pulled it together. I got cocky. I thought I had tomorrow's shoot in the bag. Until Big E broke out in hives after dinner last night.  They covered ...

I don't know about your house, but we are in serious Halloween countdown mode. T minus eleven days. Eleven days until my kids can don their chosen costumes and gorge on candy and wine . Oh, wait. That last part is all me. I'd tucked the Party City bag full of their costumes and props away, so nothing was destroyed and/or lost during the ramp up to Halloween. Until last night, when the Yoys went digging in the hall closet. Big E immediately opened his packet of violations. I think this is why he chose to be a SWAT Officer. Just so he could issue tickets and be all-around bossy. Then I got this. What is this you are wondering?  Well, it's a $200 violation (which I maintain is pretty pricey for my first offense) for purchasing Little E a Hufflepuff robe for Halloween.  You see, in my constant state of rushing around like a mad woman trying to check all the items off of my neverending to-do list, I purchased Little E the Harry Potter robe from the wrong ...

Another week, another bullsh*t school scheduling move by Cobb County. This week we have early dismissal every day so that the parent/teacher conferences can happen in the afternoon. I'm not sure I need a parent teacher conference. I can already summarize it for you below: Your kid is intelligent, but lazy as hell and has a bad habit of (picking nose/sucking thumb). You can circle the bad habit depending on if this is Big or Little E. It's like choose your own bad ending. So now I've got seven long a** hours from when they energetically bounce off the bus and when I attempt to put them to bed. Almost every night at dinner, I give Big E a half of a melatonin to get him to fall asleep. No melatonin means an 11PM bedtime, which makes for very painful 6AM mornings. Last night, as I prepared dinner, I was chatting on the phone with Mr. Yoy, who has been in California since Friday, but it feels like he's been away since 1998. Big E eats off a blue plate and Littl...