Mrs. Yoy: (tears)

On Friday, I eulogized my best friend at her memorial service.

It was both the hardest and the most important thing I've done in a long time.  I was scared sh*tless to get up there and pour my heart out and cry in front of everyone.  But my fear was no match for the urge I had to tell everyone how awesome she was.

With the help of another close friend, xanax, I pushed the grief and the fear and the anger and the tears down long enough to get through most of my speech.

I've known for awhile that this day would come.  And when it did, all the emotions I had tried exhaustingly to keep at bay, washed over me like a tsunami. And I welcomed them.  I needed to feel the cracks in my heart break wide open.

The morning after she passed, I took Poodle Yoy for a walk.  The sky was a brilliant blue.  I couldn't believe that the world appeared just as it did the morning before.  Except now one very important person was missing.  I walked with a pit of grief in my stomach that I knew would remain in residence for a long time, if not indefinitely.  I talked to myself, probably scaring some of the neighbors. I just couldn't, and still can't, believe this happened.

In dying, my friend taught me a hell of a lot about living.  And I will carry those lessons with me forever.

Love life. Be present. Laugh hard. Be honest. Hug people. Be kind. 

Anyone interested in making a donation to her most favorite charity, please click on the link below:

Preston Robert Tisch Brain Cancer Center @ Duke University

Missing you today and everyday, L.