The Mrs. Yoy Blog: The Quarantine Coronacles

Another day, another bedtime approached.  I was counting down the minutes until I could take a much needed shower and watch the HIMYM series finale. The boys chose two books tonight, The Spooky Old Tree and Are You My Mother? Two classics from my childhood that I actually enjoy reading. I was ready to micromachine man my way through the books and be wrapped up in about five minutes flat.  But then I witnessed a miracle. Well maybe not a miracle, since Big E is a few months past turning five, but to me it was amazing. He opened up Are You My Mother? and began to read.  And it wasn't his prior memorization reading fake-out, because this time he was making genuine mistakes and then correcting them. I sat back and smiled as I watched him read to Little E. I literally almost plotzed* right there on his bed. I'm hoping Big E inherits my love of books and dives right into all 127 Sweet Valley High books I've got gathering dust on the top shelf of my closet. * Yid...

Friday night we headed to synagogue for a special religious school shabbat service/dinner. When we entered the chapel, we were ushered to the front row to put yarmulkes on the boys and get the scoop on what they would be participating in. They were dressed in matching dress shirts, ties, and now, black yarmulkes. I could feel my deodorant kicking in when I realized they would be up on the bimah (stage) a few times, with many opportunities to do embarrassing things. The Yoys could not resist the calling of the stage.  As soon as they climbed up there, they could not suppress the urge to dance.  I think they confused the lighting of the shabbat candles with an audition for So You Think You Can Dance. Everyone around me giggled as my boys pulled out their best dance moves, culminating with Big E's running man during Adon Olam.  I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.  I desperately wished Mr. Yoy was there to share in my horror/entertainment. YOUR BOYS HAV...

Big E's laundry has been dry for about a day.  I keep turning the dryer back on to delay the folding process.  This evening, I finally faced my fear and opened the dryer.  I was tired of it mocking me. I began pulling out his wrinkled clothes. Wait a minute!  Why is everything decorated with PURPLE streaks?! I grabbed a pair of his school khakis, although they could now be referred to as his school purples.  I reached into the pocket and found the hard, crusty remnants of a purple crayon. DANG! DANG! DANG! I don't usually check his pockets. BIG E!  DID YOU PUT A PURPLE CRAYON IN YOUR POCKET? He looked up from his workbook.  And nodded yes. I GUESS THAT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA, MOM! I felt like slamming my head into the wall. Anyway, I'll just add this to the list of things I've accidentally washed: 1) Diapers 2) Matchbox Cars 3) Crayons 4) Floss Picks 5) Acorns I'm sure this will not be the last item that incorrectly finds its wa...

Saturday morning was Little E's first attempt at organized sports, soccer.  I headed over to the fields with Mr. Yoy following with Big E about an hour later for his game. Little E has been pumped for soccer.  Unlike his older brother, he has been obsessing over when his league would start.  He couldn't wait to put on his cleats and kick his ball around.  In our home. The field was a whole other story. First of all, it was muddy as hell.  These fields are in a major flood plain, which is why the Y was able to purchase a giant tract of land in the middle of Buckhead. Just a trace amount of rainfall transforms these fields into Yuppie Woodstock. Second, my kid was constipated.  I guess too much snacking on his five-hour-outdoor-free-for-all-playdate the evening before really caught up with him.  We made FOUR long treks through the mud to the portable bathroom trailer.  FOUR TIMES.  In an hour.  By the second trip, Little E professe...

This week will not make the highlight reel.  As mentioned in an earlier post, I took out the same side of my van that had just been fixed last month. Yesterday at soccer, Aunt Yoy told us that at dinner the night before she had left her car running the entire time they were in the restaurant and then flipped when she couldn't find her keys when they were trying to leave.  Maybe she locked them in her car?  Maybe they were in her ignition with the car running? For an hour? Mr. Yoy shook his head in disbelief.  On our drive to lunch he commented that the two of us were engaged in some bizarre competition to one-up each other in incompetency.  His statement really struck a chord. Mrs. Yoy: I DROVE INTO THE WALL IN OUR GARAGE!  I'M NEVER REALLY SURE IF I'M UP FAR ENOUGH. Aunt Yoy: I ROLLED INTO A CAR AT CARPOOL AT SCHOOL! Mrs. Yoy: I RAN INTO A POLE AT PIEDMONT HOSPITAL PARKING DECK! WHOOPS! THAT JUST JUMPED OUT AT ME! Aunt Yoy: I TOOK OUT THE SIDE ...

Yesterday was Big E's introduction to the world of competitive sports.  He was very nervous about his first game.  In turn, I was very nervous because I knew this outing could be derailed at the drop of a hat. We pulled up to the YMCA soccer fields.  It was a mecca of soccer parents.  So many minivans (mine included), folding chairs, cameras, and running children.  I tried to stifle a smile.  After years of hearing about soccer moms and dads, it was amazing to see it person. We found Big E's field and his coach gathered them around for a little pep talk. Then they were off.  It was madness.  Just a bunch of four and five year olds huddled around a ball kicking the crap out of each other. Big E retired about ten minutes into the game. I'M TIRED!  I'M TIRED! He fell to the ground in defeat.  Great.  Clearly my kid needs some more cardio training.  Or an eight hour energy drink. Mr. Yoy was furious.  Big E begged ...

My kids are obsessed with Spotify. They hear a song in the car. MOM, PUT THIS ON MY PLAYLIST! They hear a song at the dentist's office. MOM, PUT THIS ON MY PLAYLIST! They sing some random song at preschool. TEACHER, PUT THIS ON MY PLAYLIST! (Little E actually said this!) The range of artists include Rolling Stones, Rick Astley, and anything Kidz Bop related.  I'm sure Mick Jagger would vomit if he knew Paint it Black was followed by a pop cover song sung by an obnoxious eight year old.  Well in my world, it is. I love that the Yoys show such interest in music, don't get me wrong.  As a child, my dad would take me to Spec's music to pick out records.  I'm sure he rolled his eyes at the Madonna and Culture Club 45s I selected.  But at least it was original music.  (I'm talking to you Kidz Bop 32!) I guess I should keep my music complaining to a minimum so I don't come off as a geezer. I'm off to add the latest requests to Big E's pl...

Me and Britney.  Making the same mistakes over and over and over.  It is so getting old. About a month ago, I took the big red bus to the body shop to fix a boo-boo I had done back in August.  The lease is up in a few months, and I needed to make the van all purdy again. The van was due for an end of lease inspection on Monday.  I was going to proudly show off my newly fixed up vehicle.  See?  No dents or scratches on the back right side.  It's just like new! Except now it isn't.  Because I ran into a giant boulder at the exit to Little E's school and took out the exact same spot.  It was not my proudest parenting moment.  I put together a healthy string of expletives and once home, threw a water bottle against the wall, which exploded all over me.  Little E just watched in horror. Here's the reality.  I love the hell out of my van , but I cannot pilot it for sh*t. Maybe Mr. Yoy wouldn't be upset if this were my first...