The Mrs. Yoy Blog: The Quarantine Coronacles

So, the 24 ounces of water I drank close to bedtime last night was a mistake. I've been up to use the bathroom every few hours and the last time I got up, I was unable to fall back asleep. I figured I'd blog. Tomorrow, Mr. Yoy and I leave for our vacation - five days in LA.  It is almost hard for me to articulate how excited I am.  But I haven't allowed myself to really visualize my trip until now. If I still had an office job, I'd be doing some extra internet surfing and cutting out earlier and earlier as my mind shifted from work to play mode.  I'd be doodling during meetings and taking long lunches. Unfortunately, as a SAHM, there is no vacation mode. HEY BIG E, WHY DON'T YOU FIX DINNER FOR YOU AND YOUR BROTHER TONIGHT? ALSO, DRAW YOUR OWN BATH AND TUCK YOURSELF IN. THANKS! Sure, like that would happen. And while I normally hate flying, the idea of sitting on a cross country flight and just vegging out for many hours sounds intoxicating. I

My mailbox had a special treat for me this afternoon, the Autumn 2012 (because Fall doesn't sound fancy enough) Pottery Barn Kids catalog. I have a love/hate relationship with Pottery Barn Kids. I love it.  I pour over the pages and look at the absolutely stunning bedrooms and playrooms and Halloween-themed decorations and begin salivating.  I long to grab my computer and spend thousands of dollars on stuff that I truly don't need. I snap out of it.  I look around at my house.  I feel inadequate. How are my kids supposed to grow up as happy, healthy, well-adjusted children without: a) A crystal chandelier in their bedroom b) A jumbo (four feet wide!) wall mounted paper roll for arts and crafts c) A "Where the Wild Things Are" bed tent d) A Halloween monogrammed chair backer (what the hell is this anyway?) e) All of the above! The pressure is mounting.  Why do I want to answer "e"? Why am I letting this bother me? I equate this feeling to wh

Aren't these the words every mother longs to say? I expect nothing less from my kids, and as Big E's interest in his Fisher Price Medical Kit ramped up, so did my hopes. But as I was working on all the future braggity brag lines I'd throw out to my Mah Jongg group just like unwanted tiles, a few clues arose that led me to believe I do not have a budding physician. 1) For whatever reason, our doctor kit has two shots.  Lucky me.  As Big E assessed my ailments he decided I needed to have both shots administered, in unison, while singing the brilliantly written LMFAO song, "Shots." Haven't heard it?  Look it up.  It is about taking liquor shots, but Mr. Yoy thought it would be HI-LARIOUS to teach it to Big E. 2) My back is whack.  Really it is.  This is the second time this month I've become incapable of bending over and picking things up.  I've resorted to dropping Little E into his crib like an A-bomb.  He is not a fan. Anyway, I was complai

This afternoon we took the boys to see the Braves play. The weather was pretty decent for mid-August.  Neither incredibly hot nor sunny and our seats were shaded and FREE! The kids lasted the whole game, which impressed both Mr. Yoy and me.  Unfortunately, the shady weather did not last and both kids were now sporting sweat-hawks as we made our way back to our car. Big E informed me he was "SUPER THIRSTY" which I guess is one step up from really thirsty.  I must use "super" frequently in my daily dialect as Big E has picked up on that.  He is sort of starting to sound like a teenage girl, which is mildly concerning to me. We grabbed Big E a water bottle from a street vendor and continued on to the car. As we drove home, Big E guzzled his water. And then he got quiet.  Which is almost always a very bad sign.  But, alas, I was worn out from the game and too scared to check the mirror to see what was really going down. I'M REALLY, REALLY COLD, MOM!

Friday night is usually Sushi night here at the Yoy's.  Last night we switched it up, procured ourselves a last second sitter, and hit up Local Three for a delicious dinner. Mr. Yoy scored us reservations through his networking magic as he is buddy buddy with the owner/chef. Upon arrival at the restaurant, Mr. Yoy saw the owner and immediately went up to him to give thanks for the last minute reservations.  They spoke for a few minutes and I settled in with the wine list.  Hello, old friend. A smirking Mr. Yoy finally made his way to our table.  Oy, what now? OWNER/CHEF TOLD ME THAT OWEN WILSON AND VINCE VAUGHN ARE COMING IN FOR DINNER AND THEY ARE SITTING RIGHT THERE! He pointed to the six top next to us. WHAT?  WHAT?  WHAT? There are few interesting points to note: 1) We had just watched Midnight in Paris the other night, so I had Mr. Wilson fresh on my mind. 2) I have what in layman's terms is called AWKWARD CELEBRITY SYNDROME.  I'm un

Mrs. Yoy is one tired Yoy today.  The week is certainly becoming long in the tooth, but normally this isn't anything a Coke Zero or three won't fix. I don't think a direct infusion of caffeine into my bloodstream could help me today. I went to bed last night following Conan's monologue.  I freaking love that guy.  I was snooze city for about half the evening.  Then all hell broke loose.  Below is a recap of my night. 3:50AM I detect the pitter patter of Big E.  I play dead as his hot breath blasts my face.  Mr. Yoy calls Big E over to his side of the bed and pulls him in.  I realize I have to use the bathroom, but this conflicts with my play dead strategy, so I hold it.  This is much harder now that my bladder has been pulverized by two pregnancies. Big E announces he has to use the bathroom.  Mr. Yoy sets him free and I take the opportunity to use the bathroom as well. Like a mommy seeking missile, Big E shuffles into my bathroom and finds me, half asleep o

A new era is beginning in the Yoy household.  Tomorrow will be the first day of school for the Yoys. Yeah, yeah, you've seen it already plastered all over Facebook.  Pictures of every one's kids sharply dressed with fresh haircuts and giant grins.  I will not abstain from said pictures tomorrow, by the way.  But what I'm referring to is a monumental event in my life as Mrs. Yoy.  This will mark the first time EVER that I will have regularly scheduled breaks from the Yoys for eight hours a week. In the past, I have had babysitters that would come once a week for a few hours during the day so I could get some sleep or go to Publix, but never eight hours.  Over two days.  Eight hours feels like such a luxury.  Eight hours of an empty house.  I could lay in bed all eight hours if I wanted to. Aunt Yoy and I have been talking about August 2012 since Little E was born.  It would be my pay day.  I believe we actually referred to it as the Promised Land. Raising

This afternoon begins a three week (2x a week) course of refresher swim lessons.  Big E will be reunited with his swimming archnemesis, his swim teacher. On the painful to watch scale, Big E's swim lessons were somewhere between major accident on 285 and a human birth video. His screams and cries still haunt my sleep.  Need a recap? Check it out here! The amazing thing is, Big E has been swimming all summer.  He loves the pool. Big E will occasionally mention his swim teacher and how he never wants to see her again.  Every time this happens, and nugget of worry forms in my stomach, as I knew this day was coming. And here it is.  And I haven't grown a set of balls yet to tell him that after Little E gets up from his nap, we are heading down to the pool for lessons. I'm not even sure how to bring it up at this point.  We are less than three hours away. Should I mention it now and let him whine about it all afternoon? Should I just say we are going swimming to

Yesterday we hit up Shaneco to get my ring cleaned. And by we I mean me, Mr. Yoy, Big E, and Little E. Let me set the scene for you.  We walk into the jewelry store.  There were at least ten happy, loving couples picking out engagement rings.  They had such excitement shining in their eyes. Mr. Yoy and I shared a moment with our eyes.  Without a word both of us conveyed the same message. REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE YOUNG AND KID-FREE AND HAD NO CARES IN THE WORLD EXCEPT HOW BIG A DIAMOND WAS MRS. YOY GONNA SCORE? Then, internally, we both laughed like maniacs.  Evil, evil maniacs. These couples were in for a treat.  You see, they had front row tickets to the sh*t show called The Yoys  Invade a Jewelry Store. These unsuspecting couples were instantly snatched down from their pre-engagement cloud nines by my kids' whining, screaming, and constant questioning. WHY IS THAT LADY SO FAT? WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT SUCH SMALL DIAMONDS? WHY DOES THAT MAN HAVE A GUN? Amazingly,

Today was Little E's two year check up. As usual, I was awash in waves of germ anxiety.  I hate bringing my kids there when they are well.  I just know they are going to touch something and pick up the latest round of Ebola, Swine Flu, or whatever nasty sh*t is floating around the ATL. Today's biggest enemy wasn't the unwanted germs, though.  It was the giant bucket of Dum Dums that are prominently placed on the check-out counter.  My kids already know they are there as Big E talked about it the entire drive to the office and he wasn't even being seen by Dr. K. There really is no way to avoid it.  It's crowded.  There are gobs of snotty kids wandering about.  I could say no but that would result in an atomic meltdown and I'm just not prepared to handle that and check out. I would also like to point out the obvious.  Our country is the midst of a childhood obesity epidemic, so maybe stickers would be a better alternative to candy.  Even our haircut place

Today was Little E's two year check-up. As Dr. K. examined Little E, who wouldn't leave my lap, Big E watched intensely as Dr. K worked her stethoscope magic. That's right Big E, study up, as your only acceptable profession as a young Jewish boy is a doctor.  Mr. Yoy and I will not hear of anything else (I'm kidding, sort of). Dr. K pressed her stethoscope on Little E's back and listened to all of his bodily sounds. When she was finished, the stethoscope left a circle mark on Little E's back. MOMMY, WHY ARE THERE CIRCLES APPEARING ON LITTLE E'S BACK? Before I could make up an answer, I had a question for him. DID YOU JUST PROPERLY USE THE WORD "APPEARING" IN A SENTENCE? I'm not going to lie, I was pretty amped that my kid just showed off his burgeoning vocabulary in front of his pediatrician.  Also, this was a little redemption after the farmer's market run-in. PROUD MOMMY MOMENT! Future Big E

Yesterday, we returned from a six day jaunt up to the homeland of Mrs. Yoy and her wonderful, midwestern-valued family, St. Louis, Missouri (pronounced by the natives as Miz-zur-a). Mr. Yoy won the lottery and did not have to ride 600 miles in the big red bus with me, the Yoys, and my folks. He instead got to work every day.  As a lawyer.  Doing lawyerly things that people make jokes about. Initially, I debated driving versus flying. I despise flying .  There are too many uncontrollable variables for me to feel comfortable.  Throw in one three hour delay and the whole day goes down the crapper.  I was not willing to risk it.  Big E would probably be ok, but Little E was terrible on our flight to and from my brother's wedding last July and I still break out in a sweat when I think about it. I went with the lesser of two evils, driving 600 miles.  Had I seriously gone loco? I have to admit, on the drive up, the kids were fantastic. There, I gave them a compliment.  Bookmark